Like you already said there are multiple reasons that go into explaining the reason you were feeling the way you were this morning/yesterday night. More likely than not it is some sort of combination of all of them.

some preliminary reflections:

Because we are essentially alone in the world (no one else knows our day-to-day activities, no one else is in our heads, knows how we see the world etc.) the only way to obtain lasting and authentic happiness/satisfaction is to maintain internal peace and stimulation. This is/will be true forever.
John Doe is an externality that has affected you and thrown off your internal balance. This is not a bad thing. He challenges you. The relationship with him is showing you where you are weak.

As evidenced by your feelings, dependence on another is NOT a pleasant feeling in this context. It's not that you haven't previously been dependent on someone else it's just that it hasn't been an uneasy feeling in the past because you have always been the one who is ultimately in control. He's not reciprocating the way you are used to.

Moving forward I would urge you to keep in mind that, no matter how strong they are, emotions are fleeting. When we surrender to them we inevitably become dependent on them or the person who induces them (and therefore dependent on externalites, things not in your control). To be so entangled with someone else is a very dangerous thing. Nothing comes without a price. What we give up by leaning on someone else is not evident at first glance. It's not usually the case that the person's presence in one's life is the problem, but the leaning that is the problem. Also consider the fact that, more often than not, a person's attractiveness and/or power over you is dependent on the power struggle; you have always won the struggle easily, not so here.

Keeping all of that in mind I would try not to over-think things, try to clear your head and live moment by moment concentrating on centering your mind and the depths of your soul. Enjoy these last few days where you are.

"Treasure every beating heart that sets your soul on fire." - King Charles, Love Lust

working on weaknesses v. building on strengths

entrepreneurship

TED talks
http://www.ted.com/

I have no patience
for your fear.
Push me.

Not doing what,
not giving what,
I wish you would.

Do not
forget
it is the human condition to seek a companion.

We are willing
to push
and pull
to see
what we want
to see
in someone who demonstrates sexual potential.

Over-exerted “honesty” becomes authenticity lost.
How easily
we forget
the beauty
of silent understanding.
We rush
to define
and complete
our story.
...

A man
His hands
Wrapped assuredly around your waist.
He is certain
of what he wants.

You remember
that you
are a woman.

All of that time
you spent
trying to forget.

In the end
You find
the arms of a man
attach
to
the mind of a boy.

In the end
you are
dissatisfied,
always.
Interest fades.

I cannot
entertain
not
worth
the energy.

And as you get older the differences begin to augment, you sit and you wonder and nothing is the same. Those that do not push forward fall back, slowly at first and as time passes the gaps become larger.

Pure.

And it was he that made me realize that I don't love you.
Not that I couldn't but that I don't.
That he could make me feel that way made me realize that you don't.
What I felt for him wasn't "love," whatever that is.
Yet, a fragment of the feeling was powerful enough to pale our physical connection in comparison.
Pure.

The rule of law exists only so long as we believe in it.

"A grown up has forgotten how to be whole-hearted about anything. While he does one thing he cares already about another." - Maria von Trapp

For some reason we have a tendency to believe that we "have" a past, a present, and a future. Is it possible to "have" these things?
What do these words represent?
Time.
How does one truly "have" time?
Past is what? memories, writings, photos?
No, those things are evidence that the past happened.
Where you are in this moment is perhaps a product of the past or things accomplished or done in the past, but once they are done can it truly be said that one has them still? That these things accomplished are in one's possession?
I don't think so.
And future becomes even more complicated because one can never be certain that it in fact exists or that one indeed has one.
It seems then, that the only piece of time one can truly claim to "have" is the present. This present moment.
As such it seems it would be rather inadvisable to spend significant amounts of time--in the realm of thought or otherwise--in any of the other two places, and rather advisable to attempt to eliminate these thoughts and concentrate on doing only that which this present moment requires.

When does not get the response/attention wanted from a male in the moment wanted,
she tends to spit fire.
Must work on that.

Find the holes and plug them. (K)

He is eaten and crippled by cattiness. Ugly when those words come out of his mouth.
Beautiful when he focuses like a laser, creates things.
Organic beautiful authentic thoughts.
From where does the cattiness come.
His heart is clenched by the world.
He is brute force.
Inadequacy, he says, drives him.
Inner peace there is not.

She writes of complete honesty.

Turning inside out, vulnerability.
Complete honesty, sin filtro.
Not advisable.

Healthy distance,
is.

Distance, tension,
used correctly, powerful.

Tiring to turn inside out.

Though now and then you will, intended or not.

To be alone is to be free, certainly.

We tend to try to bring someone else along for the ride.
Bad idea; most always impede growth.

It is not exhaustion, it is boredom.
Tiring of this particular activity.

I look into his eyes and I can tell they are old. They have seen so much and impacted so many, yet in that moment they are just his soul looking at me, there is something infantile in them.
I wonder what they were like when they were housed by the spirit of a young boy, returning from the war, returning from Italy, coming to the capital of the US wondering what the future would bring. I wonder what they looked like then.

"My best friend gave me the best advice; he said each day is a gift and not a given right." - Nickelback

days on earth = finite

"Things that matter most should never be at the mercy of things that matter least." - Goethe

"do you consider pride a fault or a virtue?" - Elizabeth Bennet, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.

With comfort came pride.
It snuck in undetected.

Pride is not a virtue, it is a poison. It prevents authenticity and hinders growth. It blinds from truth.

Learn from each person you meet, see, interact with everyday; every person knows something you do not. To discount anyone is to miss the divine idea they represent.

Relax; be only who you are.

It is not necessary to present a complete picture of oneself to each person encountered.

To be oneself is to be one's spirit--not credentials or personality.

You are not one way, do not say that you are. To categorize is to be incorrect.

Each moment is independent of every moment that has preceded it and must be permitted to define itself.

Be only that which you are; do not try to articulate what that is.

Relax into the depths of soul, allow authentic interactions, and internalize every dynamic they yield.